Date: 04/28/00

Dear Gavin,

You begin relatively thus,

>What you say is very true and I am a fan of Melanie Klein and her

silence ~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I hesitate to tell this story publicly but I am going to, but not 'for'
you, not for anyone particular on this list but because I reckon lots of
you may have children and grandchildren, or anyway have cause to care
sufficient about some issues written and read here both/and to be able to
appreciate what may underpin it.

I was educated at an all boy Grammar School in Oxford (what are the
implications of the word 'Grammar' there At?)...I feared the Masters and
the Latin, Greek and the Algebra, the Trigonometry, the French and German,
the Physics and Chemistry. But my parents were proud that I had access to
something they had not. One thing I did have at the school, (special to me
as an individual) was an uncle's name on a plaque, in the school hall of
assembly. James (Jimmy) Thackam DFC. He was an RAF combat pilot who flew
for the United Nations in Korea and died there for which he won the
Distinguished Flying Cross (which some-one will correct me if I am wrong)
is one 'station' down from the Victoria Cross for flyers. One day I guess
in some frustration of some need to know, the desire to belong, the need
to 'prove something' I set up a situation among my 'peers'. I let each one
(26 / 27) hit me as hard as they could in the stomach. (I used to do lots
of physical exercise then;-). My hands were holding the sides of the desk
on which I sat, resolute as one becomes. I did not 'feel' any of the blows
on one level because I had trained my mind that way. In another way I
'feel' every single one to this day. The learning I took, and take and
continue to make from that 'exercise in transition' is legion, I will
share with you just three.

1/The relatively intense blow was not always accompanied by the
appropriate grimace of (masked) hidden-hate when delivered. One was being
hit by a friend.
2/That some of the blows were 'pulled' (variety being a feature) and then
the face grimace was accentuated out of proportion and so another kind
(sic) of mask was proffered. (This person was not a friend)
3/The last boy whose name I still recall, Christopher 'B' looked into my
face, smiled and delivered a blow 'smack!' full face.

Two things within the last few weeks gave rise to my decision to write you
publicly about that incident.

1/Sir Isaac Newton had a similar experience as a young boy at school,
before he became 'truly intelligent'. I will give you the reference if you
want to write to me for it. (So that makes me feel less stupid for even
mentioning it...)

2/From my window I watched a little boy walking alone in his garden the
other day, (his father walks with a pronounced limp as a result of his
army career) and the lad was walking round and round, limping. Quite,
quite alone. In a few weeks his dad is to have an operation...maybe the
little boy has deep feelings about that 'loss' which is a 'gain', a
'change' that is a 'difference'...

As for my experience, all the ratios apportionable of all the dynamics to
male human nature behaviour were gifted to me that day.

The thing that is rarely if ever mentioned about this list is the
disproportion of women who write to the list, or have I just got my sums
wrong Rick? I think when more women write openly to this list it will have
changed for an increment or two in value higher than any 'dumb' techno
wizardry can ratchet it up. (Maturanaisticism;-)

As for being an 'NLP'er'. I am not. I was in their 'company'. They had
invited me. The principle among them is both friend and mentor...we have
had our ups and downs. We teach and learn together. We learn things like
how difficult it is to give things away freely, but that in as much as one
does then they are replaced by things the greater community truly needs
and not just wants of a few esp. the "I"

One sharing that might interest you Gavin is, in her humble opinion when
the going gets tough, all the NLP and the other 'management theories' in
the cosmos do not replace a mustard seed of faith and a grain of love. She
has published numerous books, so if you care to write to me I will kindly
give the references. In this also Maturana is so right that it hurts;-)

Relativity seems another missing link of late.

You end relatively thus,


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