"Practical developmental ideas" is a short monthly electronic
newsletter of ideas and processes that you can use immediately to
help you or your clients develop. I have now written six issues,
on extending team building, effective meetings , listening ,
developing everybody and appreciation.
They have been well received and so I am keen to ensure a wider
circulation. If you want to subscribe and receive them monthly,
please follow the instructions below. There is no charge.
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I have added the latest one on "appreciation " to this email so
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Best wishes,
Nick Heap,
43 Roe Green Close
Hatfield AL10 9PD
UK
[Host's Note: I'm distributing this to the LO list as a sample issue. If
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his subscribe instructions above. ..Rick]
Practical Developmental Ideas September/October 2003
This issue is about appreciation. It is odd that everyone likes to
be and feel appreciated and that it is so rewarding to give, yet
there is not much about in organisations and families. I give some
thoughts on why this is so and some practical things we can do
about it.
A further request for your stories
This is the sixth issue of these ezines. I have had some feedback
saying they are helpful, so thank you. I would be very interested
indeed to hear of your stories of using any of the stuff in the
ezines. If you give me permission, I could add a story to each
edition, with your name and contact details if you want. I am sure
this would enhance the ezine and develop the ideas too.
So, if you have had an interesting experience using the ideas,
will you email me a two or three paragraph story?
The problem about appreciation
I think what happens is that people are very concerned about
getting appreciation. Most of us had very little as children and
young people and far too much criticism. So it is hard to give now
what we did not have and have not learned how to give.
Appreciation is like a smile, if you give it away it comes back to
you.
Some solutions
Just do it
I encourage you to decide to give three appreciative comments a
day for a week and also to decide not to worry about whether you
receive any or not for the same time. Your work place or family
will become brighter and you may well get some back!
A good appreciation is genuine and believable. It can be light and
still make someone's day and increase their energy and motivation.
Here are some examples.
"You look nice today"
"What a lovely neat desk"
"Thanks for that report, it was short, readable and elegantly
presented"
"I appreciated your support and courage in the meeting. It would
have been easier for you to agree with the majority"
"I always enjoy talking to you, you listen really well"
"What a great idea!"
You can often catch people doing things right, if you want to.
I remember saying to my daughter at nine years old that she could
be anything she chose when she grew up. She responded so well and
is now living her dream.
An appreciation exercise
I like to do this with a group at the end of a workshop or long
meeting when people have learned a bit about each other. Each
person has a sheet of A4 paper and writes their name clearly at
the bottom. You then pass the paper to your neighbour who writes
on the top of the page a word or words that describe what they
have most appreciated positively about the person whose name is on
the bottom of the sheet. Each person folds the sheet of paper
forwards to cover what he or she has written and passes it on to
the next person, who writes their comments and does the same.
Eventually, you get your piece of paper back.
Then ask each person to note the comment she or he likes the best.
Then everyone stands up, in a close circle and reads out their
favourite comment preceding it with "I am", while everyone else
listens attentively.
I always take part in this exercise and keep the comments. They
are good to refer back to. I had a very dour manager called Tom on
a counselling course once when we did a version of this. I met him
a few months later to enquire how things were going at the end of
our chat he said "That exercise at the end really was useful,
whenever I feel really down I pull out my sheet and realise that I
am OK!"
Self-appreciation
Because of the invalidation and criticism most of us have
experienced we can carry internalised "tape recordings" that plays
all the time that says something like "You are no
good/bad/useless/worthless" or "You are only valuable or loveable
if you achieve/are clever/are rich/win". These messages all imply
that we have no intrinsic worth just for being ourselves. Babies
and very young children, if treated well, appear to feel valuable
and expect to be loved for "being". They have nothing to prove.
It is possible to reduce the impact of these tape recordings and
even eliminate them entirely by appreciating yourself. It is very
counter cultural to stand in a group and tell the other people all
the things you like about yourself, but it is possible. You don't
die of embarrassment but it feels close! There is a very good
chapter in The Human Situation by Harvey Jackins about this. The
book is available via the Re-evaluation Counselling website
www.rc.org
Strength Building
This is another exercise that uses appreciation and can be very
effective for building teams and relationships.
The participants are in a small face-to-face group. In a larger
group when time is short, demonstrate the process with one person
in front of the group. Then break people into groups of four and
five.
Each person has a turn of say 15 minutes as the focus of the
group.
1.. She or he describes an event in which she or he achieved
something they felt good about. It does not have to about work.
Everyone else listens intently.
2.. Each group member tells the person above two or three
strengths she must have used to achieve it. The person adds one or
two of his own.
3.. The person states the one strength of all the ones she has
heard that she /he likes the best. If people are ready they may
"own" this by going round the group and saying to each person in
turn "I am (e g) resourceful!" A facilitator may encourage further
growth by encouraging her/him to use a clear and positive tone of
voice and posture with no trace of self-deprecation.
After everyone has had a turn, ask people how they feel about
themselves and the group and what they have learned.
The effects
People develop in confidence and self esteem as they discover
their achievements and skills are valuable. They appreciate the
depths in other people and want to know more. The shared and
rather intense experience builds group cohesion. People enjoy it
too.
Feedback please
So, I hope you have found the information in this issue
interesting and in a useable form. The subjects I might cover in
the next issues are : -
Conflict resolution
Developing your people
Eliminating unnecessary work
Improving working relationships
Stimulating creative thinking
Thinking tools and processes
Working with the spirit
Are these important to you?
I am sure there are many ways to make this more useful to you.
Please let me know what you think of it, if you have time. If you
have any particular developmental interests you would like me to
cover, please let me know. I will try and respond if I can and if
I don't know anything about the subject, I will tell you.
Commercial
I enjoy helping clients think through real issues involving
people. I sometimes stay in the background as coach or consultant
and sometimes work directly designing and delivering developmental
events. If you need to know more please refer to my website, below
or give me a call.
Many of the readers of this newsletter are consultants themselves.
I learned a great deal from other consultants over the years so I
am glad to have this opportunity to do the same
Subscribing
To subscribe, please send me an e-mail with "subscribe" in the
subject line, or click subscribe and then click send. To
unsubscribe at any time, please send an e-mail with "unsubscribe"
in the subject line. I won't pass your e-mail details to anyone
else.
If you think that your friends or colleagues would like to see
this, do forward a copy on. If you have received this from someone
else, you are most welcome to subscribe.
Using these materials
I am entirely happy for you to use or draw on any these materials
in any way you think will be helpful. I am keen to have my work,
and the work of the people I have learned from, used.
If you can, do you think you could say where you found them? One
way might be to give a link back to the web site,
http://homepage.ntlworld.com/nick.heap or to my email address
nick.heap@ntlworld.com. This will help these positive ideas to
spread, and help my business, too.
Best wishes,
Nick Heap
43 Roe Green Close
Hatfield
Herts AL10 9PD
UK
01707 886553 and mailto:nick.heap@ntlworld.com
Web, with many useful resources:
http://homepage.ntlworld.com/nick.heap
If you want to subscribe to this monthly ezine of practical
developmental ideas, just click on the link below and then click
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--"Nick Heap" <nick.heap@ntlworld.com>
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