Women's Ways of Learning LO24633

From: Winfried Dressler (winfried.dressler@voith.de)
Date: 05/18/00

Replying to LO24623 --

> Preview: a long-ish post, but hopefully learningful and worthwhile.

Dear Sajeela,

my mother and my father really had to struggle throughout their marriage,
until my father died at the age of 65 four years ago. They wanted to teach
each other so much. "I fully understand what you are saying, but look..."
ending with something that showed the other that s/he did not at all
understand. So the other started with "Yes, I fully understand, but
see..." and so on and on.

What did they want to teach each other? One time at the age of 17 or so I
remember that I was in deep trouble whether my parents might get divorced
over so much argument. And one day I asked my father about it, somehow
finding words for my concern. He answered, that my mother is so strong and
that he doesn't know how to show how much he loves her. That really
reliefed me and I said that I know, she loves him too, but some of his
habits drive her crazy. He answered: "Yes, I know. What I mean is that I
don't know how to show her how much I love her without giving up myself."
There was no doubt anymore that my parents were so much aligned in their
common journey that disagreement couldn't harm them. Then I could see the
love shining through the argument. (It took 15 years, until I read in the
Fifth Discipline how Peter Senge distinguished between agreement and

Before my own marriage, my mother gave me two little books and asked me to
read them as soon as possible and then again whenever I am getting into
trouble. One was on men and one on women. Already the title proofs the
deep insight brought out with humor by the author, a virtual grandmother
for all who don't have one.

On men for women:
Nehmt die Maenner wie sie sind, es gibt keine anderen.
(Take men as they are, there are no other. my translation)

On women for men:
Ehret die Frauen, aber uebernehmt euch nicht.
(Honour the women, but take over you not. Altavista-Babelfish-translation, well...
Honour the women, but not more than you can.)

I love these titles as gender specific ways to say: I truly love you
because you are all but perfect and that's perfectly all right.

Later, during our preparations for our first child, we got a third book:

Vielgeliebte Nervensaegen.
(Much beloved saws on the nervs.)

I don't know, why I wrote this post, but I feel that I would like to share
this with you.

Liebe Gruesse,



"Winfried Dressler" <winfried.dressler@voith.de>

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