Changing Another Person LO19875

Suzanne =?ISO-8859-1?Q?Sauv=E9?= (SSAUVE@MUS-NATURE.CA)
Mon, 16 Nov 1998 16:49:03 -0500

Replying to LO19872 --

Rick wrote:

>I am much more comfortable "seeking to influence.." and this terminology
>gets used a lot. But, is it really sincere? Or just a cover-up? Are we
>really facing up to the reality (as I see it anyway) that we cannot
>reliably determine the change that occurs for the other... And then live
>happily with the fruits of the indeterminacy!
>It might be more interesting and less frustrating than trying to control
>a teenager.

When my kids where young I once commented to an older gentleman that it
was very hard to "control them". He replied that they were not to be
controlled but guided . Now that they are both teenagers I really get the
point! Control doesn't work, in my experience, but guidance is quite
effective and builds trust, both between parent and child, and in the
child him/herself.

In reality I think we do in fact try to 'change' other people, and
especially those that are closest to us. I find that if I am detached
from a situation, I am more in the 'influence' mode, but the closer I get
to them, the pushier I get in trying to get them to adjust to my way of
seeing reality. Of course we can't 'change' someone, they have to choose
to change.

I do find though that the more life experience I acquire, the more I swing
towards influencing and being influenced, and the more patient I become
with this process and the fruits thereof.



Suzanne =?ISO-8859-1?Q?Sauv=E9?= <SSAUVE@MUS-NATURE.CA>

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